The death of a child's pet...

It was a sad day in our home yesterday.  Our pet rat Flash died in the early afternoon before the kids got home from school.  This didn't come as a shock to me.  He had been sick for months.  Several days before Christmas of last year I thought he was going to die that day and rushed him to the vet to find out he had pneumonia and a lung disease common in rats.

After writing a check for over $100 to the vet and then shelling out another $85 for two antibiotics, I nursed him back to health cramming a medicine syringe into his mouth twice a day. (I got some skills people!  It aint easy getting .4mls of medicine down the throat of a tiny rat twice a day.)  But persevere I did and religiously jammed that liquid gold down his throat for 4 weeks straight.  All the time knowing that the lung disease he had was chronic and would eventually cause his death.

He gifted us with his presence for another few months.   He was having more breathing problems but stopped responding to the antibiotics.  The vet said to watch him closely and as long as he was eating and drinking and free of pain, just let him live his life.  I continued to watch him and I prepared the kids for what I knew was eventually going to happen.  I just didn't know when.

Over time he stopped wanting to be held.  Even though he continued to eat and drink normally, he started losing a lot of weight.  Day by day I could count new bones poking out from under his soft white skin.  I questioned if I was doing the right thing.  I worried about the impending sadness my children would experience.

I did the only thing I thought best.  I continued to care for him the way I always had.  I checked on him in the morning and at night.  I watched for any sign of suffering because I am a firm believer that no animal should ever have to suffer and as pet owner you must do the responsible and loving thing and end any unnecessary suffering no matter how big or small of an animal.

Yesterday morning though something was different.  After the kids left for school I bent down and opened the cage to feed both rats.  He didn't come out of his house.  I held my breath and bent down peaking into his little house and there he was looking at me but not moving.  Every so often he would lift his head but he wouldn't come out.  I knew it was time.  I had the coach help me get him out of the cage and we gently placed him in a shoe box with a soft cuddly towel.  I checked on him hourly and he just kept getting worse.  I vowed to take him to the vets later that night after work if he was still with us but something told me he wasn't going to last that long.

Somewhere between noon and 1pm, he died.  I was sad, but I was relieved.  Relieved that his short amount of suffering was over.  Relieved that I would have some time to prepare telling my children that their pet had died.  Relieved that neither of them would have to find him dead in his cage one day.

The coach took both children upstairs alone later that afternoon and he was the one to break the news.  The athlete with his keen intuition knew before the coach even got the words out and I heard the princess burst in to tears from downstairs even with the door shut.

It broke my heart.  As a mom, it's our job to protect our children but the death of a pet is not something you can protect them from.  It's a pain that comes with the territory of choosing to own a pet.  No matter how
big or how small, a child will love that pet unconditionally and will be sad when it's life ends.  It's a painful life lesson to learn.

The athlete shed some tears initially and much to my surprise not another drop.  He has been very quiet and VERY cranky.  Not sure if it is his way of handling the whole thing or not.  All I know is I don't like it and of course it makes me worry and over analyze the whole situation wondering if he's holding everything inside.  Do I push or do I just let it be?  How do you know what the right thing to do is when you've never been in this situation before?

The princess however is not holding anything in.  She lets go at the drop of a hat, crying huge crocodile tears and barely able to catch her breath in between huge sobs.  I feel so bad for her.  She is such an animal lover and truly believes that Flash was her friend.  (That thought makes me smile!)    She finally passed out some time after 10pm last night still sobbing in her sleep.  It continued this morning but was more mild.  Hopefully she'll make it through the day at school ok.

I can only hope we did a good job of preparing them for the inevitable, comforting them when they were sad, and leading by example with how to love and care for a pet right up until the very end.  

I know some people are probably reading this and thinking, "My God, this woman is ridiculous.  It was a pet rat for God sakes!"   And, I get that.  Maybe I am overly sensitive.  Maybe this wouldn't bother some people.  But I guess in instances such as the death of a pet I am very much like my little princess and I have a hard time with it.  I was this way as a child and I suppose I still am.

I can now officially cross this off my list of firsts to deal with as a mom and raising children and I believe in my heart that the coach and I handled it with grace.  

It's Baseball season baby!

I mentioned in an earlier post that we were making the athlete take a break from his beloved sport of choice, soccer.  This spring he is focusing only on baseball, a much needed change of pace in our household.

Along with a new sport came a new league, new coaches and teammates,  AND a new team name.  He is no longer a Pirate, he is now a Cardinal.

He is having a lot of fun and really learning a lot from the older boys on the team.  Going from AAA to the Majors is a big step up, but he is a natural athlete and he will pick it up.  My main concern is that he is having fun and putting in 100% effort.  That is something the coach and I always preach to our children.  It doesn't matter if your the best at everything you do as long as you give it your best effort.  That's what's important.

Another major plus to this season...

The pictures!!

A special thank you to Kelly Gallagher for her amazing photography and giving me permission to use her photos here on my blog.  You rock!

T-minus 5 days and counting...

Today is Tuesday, April 3rd.

Easter is exactly 5 days away.

This is all I have bought for my children's Easter baskets.

And the race is on!!!!!!

Learning how to forgive myself...

Six years ago in August of 2006 I walked into a Weight Watchers meeting for like the umpteenth time since graduating college.

 I went alone.

 I told no one.

 I sat quietly through the meeting tugging at my shirt, uncomfortable in my own skin.

 I sat alone with the leader at the end of the meeting relearning the program, again.

Two weeks before I had no idea I would be doing this.    After spending a week at the beach on vacation with the coach and the athlete and princess, who at the time was only two years old,  I came home and knew something had to change.  I had spent the entire week being forced out of my comfort zone.

You see,  a toddler at the beach doesn't mean sitting and sunbathing and simply staying put.  It means endless walks up and down the long beach in a bathing suit past hundreds and hundreds of people.  And when you are over weight and feeling very vulnerable and exposed in a suit, it's really the last thing you want to do.

But I sucked it up and I did it, day after day.  My saving grace and something I kept telling myself over and over as we trekked up and down the beach was, at least we are far from home and you don't know a single soul out here.

 Pathetic really.  I was so down and beat myself up.  I felt cheated that I couldn't enjoy a wonderful time with my young and curious little girl because once again, my weight was getting in the way.

Those feelings are what made me walk into that meeting room two weeks later.  I felt I had hit rock bottom.

I walked out of those doors with a new sense of determination.  I felt empowered.  I just knew that this time it was going to be different.  This time I was going to reach my goal.  This time I was not going to quit.

I lost 47 pounds that year.  By the time summer rolled around I was the healthiest I had ever been in my life and weighed less than I did when I was in college.  I had followed Weight Watchers to a T.  I would go as far as to call myself a Weight Watcher Psycho, there was not a single week in 8 months that I had a gain on the scale.  The weight came off so easily.  And, don't get me wrong, I worked my ass off at it.  I was walking 3 miles, 5 days a week with the princess in her stroller.  I prepared healthy meals for dinner and even made homemade snacks for the entire family.  (I was also working part time only 2 days a week, which made this all posssible.) 


I swore that I would never go back to being the way I was before.  I told everyone that this was finally the time for me.  This time it would stick.

Fast forward from there six years.  In that time period we bought our first house, I dealt with the grief of losing my grand father so rapidly and unexpectedly from stomach cancer.  I went from working as a part time nanny to opening my own daycare business and working 11 hour days, Monday through Friday.  My children continued to grow up and their extracurricular lives exploded.

Me time became non existent.  I sacrificed myself for the needs of my husband and children.  I put all the time I had into the daycare and running a successful business and being the best wife and mother I could.  Nights I was needed for homework and projects, and after that housework.  On weekends sporting events, and more housework.  I had no time for me anymore.

The results of that have been drastic. And here I sit six years later, now 35 years old,  and I'm back at  a place I swore never to come back to ever again.

I came to the realization several months ago that life is too short to live with regrets.  Sitting wallowing in the past was doing me absolutely no good.  I couldn't change the past, but I could make changes now.   Beating myself up and punishing myself was keeping me on a path I didn't want to be on.  It was keeping me frozen and preventing me from starting over.

I have forgiven myself.  I have moved on.  I am at peace with myself for the first time in a long time.  Instead of saying that I am "trying" to get healthy, I have re-framed my thinking to, I "am living" a healthy lifestyle.

I don't need to wait until I reach my health goals to stop saying trying and switch to living a healthy life.

Am  I where I want to be in terms of physical abilities or weight?

No, not yet.  But I am seeing results every single week on the scale, and in what I am physically capable of doing.  I have mellowed out a little in these past six years.  I am no longer the Weight Watcher Pyscho!  Now I'm  a much older, wiser wife and a mom who really appreciates the life she has been given and wants to make the most out of every day.  The benefits of forgiveness are amazing.

I'm linking up today with Shell's Pour Your Heart Out, over at Things I Can't Say.

Random thoughts...

I haven't been blogging lately.  Not exactly sure why, nothing major going on over hear that would cause me not to, just kinda lost my mojo.  With that being said I felt like I should at least put something down on paper and maybe this would spark something.

Right now I'm the only one in my family who is not battling a cold.  I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to stay on top of the usual household duties because I fear it's only a matter of time before I feel the stuffy nose and scratchy throat coming my way.  Gotta get it done now before I'm down for the count.

Soccer season is winding down for the athlete.  He has two weeks left of indoor and then baseball begins.  This is the first year that I can remember where he isn't playing soccer year round.  This spring he is taking the season off.  I think in the long run it will be good for him.  I'm afraid if he continued to play year round without a break it would lead to a soccer burnout.  This way he will get a chance to actually miss it and look forward to playing with a renewed sense of enthusiasm in the fall.

Princess started gymnastics again, one day a week and she will continue playing soccer through the spring.  The coach will be busy once again coaching her and the other 8 and 9 year old girls twice a week.  It's so funny to watch them when they get together for games and practices.  They are so different from the boys team.  Boys get right down to business.  With the girls, soccer is more of a social event then a competition.   The coach spends the first 5 to 10 minutes just getting their attention and getting them to stop chatting and listen.  It's so funny!

The past couple months I've been making some changes of my own as well. Not quite ready to share the details yet, but I will say that I am pleased with the changes I'm making and it's something that needed to be done a long time ago.  It's making me a happier mom, wife, and in general a happier me.  I promise to share with you all soon.
Thanks for sticking by me during this dry spell.

February Vacation Week Recap...

Our vacation week was suppose to kick off with a bang.  A trip to Disney on Ice on Friday night, the 17th but with a hectic work day for the coach and a migraine for me, we decided to forgo the event.  The princess handled it impressively and earned some bonus points in my book for being so flexible and understanding.  If this had been an event geared towards the athlete he would have flipped his lid and made our night a living hell.

Thankfully we had another blogger event to attend on Monday afternoon.  The whole family made the trek into Cambridge to preview the new Playstation Vita hand held video gaming system before it was available to the general public.  The athlete of course was pumped.

Let me apologize in advance for the crappy cell phone pics.  I never remembered to grab my good camera the entire week.

The new PS VITA

The princess could have cared less but when she found out another family from town was going and her partner in crime was attending, she was all for it!

The athlete got to play video games and hang out with a friend from school.  Double bonus!

This was also the first vacation week where both kids spent the entire week hanging out/playing/having sleepovers with their friends.  It was a whirlwind of a week for me.  Keeping track of who was where, who was coming over, and when I needed to pick someone up.  All while running the daycare at the same time.  It was exhausting but so worth it to see my kids having so much fun on vacation week.

The athlete also entered a dodge ball tournament and put a team together to compete against other middle school teams. Friday was the big day.  Luckily I only had one daycare child that day and she was a peach!  She loved sitting on the bleachers and cheering the athlete and his teammates on.

The boys made it to the finals after three undefeated rounds.  It was a double elimination tournament.  In the finals they played the oldest team there.  They lost the first game but were victorious in the second game clinching victory!

Here they are posing after the games proudly proclaiming their number one status.  

They had a blast and I had so much fun watching and cheering them on.  I learned something that day too.  I am a LOUD mouth!  When watching my kids participate in anything of a competitive nature, I can't help but yell and cheer at the top of my lungs!  Thank God they don't care that I do this because I don't think I could stop myself if I wanted to.  It's just something that takes over.  It doesn't help that I usually have my partner in crime sitting right next to me doing exactly the same thing!  You know who you are!


Saturday, the princess attended a Pump it Up birthday party.  We have been to many of these.   But never a glow in the dark Pump it Up party.  This was a first.  Think blasting music, dark room, glow in the dark necklaces around everyone's necks, and disco balls flashing colored lights and spinning all around the room.  I was nauseous and had a mega headache by the time we left the psychedelic arena and entered the room for cake and ice cream.  Not my idea of a good time, but I sucked it up like a good mom.

It's hard to tell in this picture but here is princess flying down the giant slide in the dark.  You can sort of make her out at the bottom.  See the neon necklace around her neck?  `

And finally what vacation isn't complete without a trip the to the emergency room?  On Sunday the princess was hit with a violent stomach bug.  She missed a double header soccer game that she had been so excited to play in and was really disappointed earlier in the day.   As she continued to get sicker by the hour, she stopped caring about missing the games and only wanted relieve from the nonstop stomach pains she had. 

By 5pm that night she had thrown up 15 times and was showing no signs of stopping.  She was listless, not talking at all, just tiny little groans and whimpers were escaping.  We made the decision to bring her in before it got any later and she dehydrated any more.  Several hours later after a dose of Zofran, a popsicle and juice, the princess came back to life.   We were home by 9:45pm.  She was asleep as was the rest of my family. I unfortunately was wired from the ordeal and the medium ice coffee I consumed while we waited might have played a part in that as well!  I put her to bed and sat in our quiet living room watching what was left of the Oscars.

Here she was before bouncing back to life.  Such a poor pitiful little thing.  I felt terrible for her.  Retching over and over like that non stop takes a lot out of a little girl.  

I did end up taking Monday off to make sure the princess had plenty of time to recuperate.  Which ended up being time for me to rest up a little as well after a long, crazy, fun-filled vacation week.  I'm good to go now.  Bring on April vacation, with lots more adventures, more fun,  including  another dodge ball tournament to defend their title,  and while I'm at it,

NO ER visits please.

First ever Girl and Her Guy Dance at Princess's school...

Last Friday night our schools' PTA held the first ever Girl and Her Guy Dance as a fundraiser.  The princess was so excited and began planning the entire evening from start to finish, the first day the notice came home in her backpack.

The list was long and very specific.  It included what to wear, for both herself and her daddy, as well as how to do her hair, what accessories and jewelry to wear, and a long list of do's and don'ts for her father to follow.  Number one on her list:  Do not embarrass me!

The big night came and along with it,  a BIG attitude.  I spent close to two hours alone with that child trying to get her ready.  We had a melt down over the dress and ended up going with a back up dress that mind you needed to be stitched last minute because the black shoulder strap had torn clean off!  (And why had said strap torn off you ask?   Because it was not properly taken care of by the princess herself.)

Next flip out moment, her hair.  She didn't want it curled under she wanted it to be straight.  Unfortunately what she doesn't get is that her hair was cut into a style that while absolutely adorable for an 8 year old little girl, prevents it from drying perfectly straight at the end.  Not easily explainable to a hysterical and over excited child.

Throw into the mix a little tiny pimple on her nose and you have a recipe for a complete and utter meltdown of the third kind by said little girl.  A few deep breaths by mom and a dab of miracle cover up made it all better. Crisis averted and her threats of not going to the dance quelled.

I left the house to go pick up the athlete from soccer training feeling a little sad.  I wasn't able to take a single picture of the two of them.   With all her antics I lost track of time and had to rush out the door.  Thanks to the mom of one of princess's friends, I got these emailed to me that night.   She snapped some great ones while they were at the dance.  Memories captured!!  

This one is my absolute favorite!

Seeing the two of them together like this makes the two hours of hell I went through with her all worth while.  I would do it all over again in a heart beat for moments like that.